The RIAA Can Blow Me
10.05.07 (8:48 am) [edit]
In case you've been living under a rock, the RIAA and record companies don't like it when you download and share digital music online, at least when you haven't paid for it. And in case, too, you haven't noticed, they have been suing people over it. But, you may not have known that of the 200,00+ people that they've sued, only one has gone to trial, and that is one currently happening now.
The case against Jammie Thomas is expected to go to jurors today. Six major record companies accuse Thomas, 30, of sharing 1,702 songs online in violation of the companies' copyrights. The record companies claim they found the songs on a Kazaa file-sharing account they later linked to her.
In this case, despite the face that she has 1,702 songs on her computer that she was sharing, they are only going after 24 of the songs. If they win, which they probably will, the record companies can get anywhere from $750 to $30,000 per infringement - that is to say, per song. Or, if they deem it "willful," as in the woman shared them knowing she was breaking the law, they can get up to $150,000 per song. So she's looking at a possible loss of over $3 Million if she loses this case. It's insane.
It piqued my interest, so I had to calculate exactly how much I would be facing in charges were I to be stupid enough to share my music online (although not legal, so far none of the cases have been brought against downloaders, it is against people who SHARE their music on online file sharing servers like Kazza or Limewire or even torrent sites.) Of course, I know it is illegal so we have to go with the maximum amount per violation which is $150,000 per song. If you multiply that by the amount of songs in my iTunes (29,460), we are looking at a grand total of over $4 billion dollars ($4,419,000,000 to be exact). Wow - unbelievable, huh? That's almost more money than the record companies probably even made last year (here I jest, I'm sure it was more than that.) But seriously - if I were being sued, they'd ask for $4.5 billion dollars? Yeah, right. I'd take the jail time.
They aren't going to stop anything. No matter how many people they sue or how many people have to pay out millions of dollars for this shit, the record companies will continually lose money until they go out of business. And not record companies per se, but record pressings. There is no need anymore for CDs. They are going the way of the audio tape, 8-track, and record already with the implementation of iPods and Zunes and whatever other portable audio devices there are. And now that even household stereos have slots for flash media cards and USB ports, you can hook up your computer or your flash drive to a stereo and have perfect audio sound through that. CDs are a waste of time, and I'd have sold mine off years ago if I could have found the damn cases. Hahaha. Seriously though - they need to find a new way to market music, and digital is here to stay.
So come on and take your $4.5 billion, fuckers. I'll be waiting.
The case against Jammie Thomas is expected to go to jurors today. Six major record companies accuse Thomas, 30, of sharing 1,702 songs online in violation of the companies' copyrights. The record companies claim they found the songs on a Kazaa file-sharing account they later linked to her.
In this case, despite the face that she has 1,702 songs on her computer that she was sharing, they are only going after 24 of the songs. If they win, which they probably will, the record companies can get anywhere from $750 to $30,000 per infringement - that is to say, per song. Or, if they deem it "willful," as in the woman shared them knowing she was breaking the law, they can get up to $150,000 per song. So she's looking at a possible loss of over $3 Million if she loses this case. It's insane.
It piqued my interest, so I had to calculate exactly how much I would be facing in charges were I to be stupid enough to share my music online (although not legal, so far none of the cases have been brought against downloaders, it is against people who SHARE their music on online file sharing servers like Kazza or Limewire or even torrent sites.) Of course, I know it is illegal so we have to go with the maximum amount per violation which is $150,000 per song. If you multiply that by the amount of songs in my iTunes (29,460), we are looking at a grand total of over $4 billion dollars ($4,419,000,000 to be exact). Wow - unbelievable, huh? That's almost more money than the record companies probably even made last year (here I jest, I'm sure it was more than that.) But seriously - if I were being sued, they'd ask for $4.5 billion dollars? Yeah, right. I'd take the jail time.
They aren't going to stop anything. No matter how many people they sue or how many people have to pay out millions of dollars for this shit, the record companies will continually lose money until they go out of business. And not record companies per se, but record pressings. There is no need anymore for CDs. They are going the way of the audio tape, 8-track, and record already with the implementation of iPods and Zunes and whatever other portable audio devices there are. And now that even household stereos have slots for flash media cards and USB ports, you can hook up your computer or your flash drive to a stereo and have perfect audio sound through that. CDs are a waste of time, and I'd have sold mine off years ago if I could have found the damn cases. Hahaha. Seriously though - they need to find a new way to market music, and digital is here to stay.
So come on and take your $4.5 billion, fuckers. I'll be waiting.
The RIAA Can Blow Me
10.05.07 (8:47 am) [edit]
In case you've been living under a rock, the RIAA and record companies don't like it when you download and share digital music online, at least when you haven't paid for it. And in case, too, you haven't noticed, they have been suing people over it. But, you may not have known that of the 200,00+ people that they've sued, only one has gone to trial, and that is one currently happening now.
The case against Jammie Thomas is expected to go to jurors today. Six major record companies accuse Thomas, 30, of sharing 1,702 songs online in violation of the companies' copyrights. The record companies claim they found the songs on a Kazaa file-sharing account they later linked to her.
In this case, despite the face that she has 1,702 songs on her computer that she was sharing, they are only going after 24 of the songs. If they win, which they probably will, the record companies can get anywhere from $750 to $30,000 per infringement - that is to say, per song. Or, if they deem it "willful," as in the woman shared them knowing she was breaking the law, they can get up to $150,000 per song. So she's looking at a possible loss of over $3 Million if she loses this case. It's insane.
It piqued my interest, so I had to calculate exactly how much I would be facing in charges were I to be stupid enough to share my music online (although not legal, so far none of the cases have been brought against downloaders, it is against people who SHARE their music on online file sharing servers like Kazza or Limewire or even torrent sites.) Of course, I know it is illegal so we have to go with the maximum amount per violation which is $150,000 per song. If you multiply that by the amount of songs in my iTunes (29,460), we are looking at a grand total of over $4 billion dollars ($4,419,000,000 to be exact). Wow - unbelievable, huh? That's almost more money than the record companies probably even made last year (here I jest, I'm sure it was more than that.) But seriously - if I were being sued, they'd ask for $4.5 billion dollars? Yeah, right. I'd take the jail time.
They aren't going to stop anything. No matter how many people they sue or how many people have to pay out millions of dollars for this shit, the record companies will continually lose money until they go out of business. And not record companies per se, but record pressings. There is no need anymore for CDs. They are going the way of the audio tape, 8-track, and record already with the implementation of iPods and Zunes and whatever other portable audio devices there are. And now that even household stereos have slots for flash media cards and USB ports, you can hook up your computer or your flash drive to a stereo and have perfect audio sound through that. CDs are a waste of time, and I'd have sold mine off years ago if I could have found the damn cases. Hahaha. Seriously though - they need to find a new way to market music, and digital is here to stay.
So come on and take your $4.5 billion, fuckers. I'll be waiting.
The case against Jammie Thomas is expected to go to jurors today. Six major record companies accuse Thomas, 30, of sharing 1,702 songs online in violation of the companies' copyrights. The record companies claim they found the songs on a Kazaa file-sharing account they later linked to her.
In this case, despite the face that she has 1,702 songs on her computer that she was sharing, they are only going after 24 of the songs. If they win, which they probably will, the record companies can get anywhere from $750 to $30,000 per infringement - that is to say, per song. Or, if they deem it "willful," as in the woman shared them knowing she was breaking the law, they can get up to $150,000 per song. So she's looking at a possible loss of over $3 Million if she loses this case. It's insane.
It piqued my interest, so I had to calculate exactly how much I would be facing in charges were I to be stupid enough to share my music online (although not legal, so far none of the cases have been brought against downloaders, it is against people who SHARE their music on online file sharing servers like Kazza or Limewire or even torrent sites.) Of course, I know it is illegal so we have to go with the maximum amount per violation which is $150,000 per song. If you multiply that by the amount of songs in my iTunes (29,460), we are looking at a grand total of over $4 billion dollars ($4,419,000,000 to be exact). Wow - unbelievable, huh? That's almost more money than the record companies probably even made last year (here I jest, I'm sure it was more than that.) But seriously - if I were being sued, they'd ask for $4.5 billion dollars? Yeah, right. I'd take the jail time.
They aren't going to stop anything. No matter how many people they sue or how many people have to pay out millions of dollars for this shit, the record companies will continually lose money until they go out of business. And not record companies per se, but record pressings. There is no need anymore for CDs. They are going the way of the audio tape, 8-track, and record already with the implementation of iPods and Zunes and whatever other portable audio devices there are. And now that even household stereos have slots for flash media cards and USB ports, you can hook up your computer or your flash drive to a stereo and have perfect audio sound through that. CDs are a waste of time, and I'd have sold mine off years ago if I could have found the damn cases. Hahaha. Seriously though - they need to find a new way to market music, and digital is here to stay.
So come on and take your $4.5 billion, fuckers. I'll be waiting.
What's Pissing Me Off Today
09.30.07 (4:28 pm) [edit]
I had to stop at The Shaw's this evening to pick up dinner. This instantly put me in a pissy mood because they are, for some reason, moving everything in the fucking store all around. Of course this means, for them, some sort of ease. For me, the consumer and shopper, it means annoyances and headaches, because I can't find a goddamn thing. The only things that didn't move yet were the deli and the meats section, so as I went on my twenty minute quest for some goddamn croutons, all I did was get more and more angry at them for fucking up my day.
You may be asking yourself the question, "Why didn't you ask someone who works there where the croutons were?" Well the obvious answer to that would be: There are no people working there. The only people I could find were up front, and the lines are, as always, way too goddamn long. It really annoyed me. Goddamnit.
And then to top this all off, I get to the self check-out, which for some reason I continue to use despite the fact that no one else can figure it out and the lines always take longer. Whatever. At any rate, after I informed the couple in front of me that they wouldn't be able to buy alcohol through it and they moved to a real lane, I was faced with another man on the lane across from me. He had, apparently, been waiting a couple of minutes because, like most inbred pieces of worthless white-trash shit, he has no idea how to use the register system. He then asked a deli worker who happened by "don't you hear the thing saying I need help?" I had to inform him that she "works in the deli" and that he needed a "customer service associate." He gave me a scowling look, then sent his white-trash daughter over to get someone to help them. When THAT woman arrived finally, he said "Couldn't you hear this thing going off for the last 5 minutes? What's the matter with you?" To which she calmly replied "No, we can't hear it over there. You'd have to hit this buzzer or come get us." He then paid and left.
As I followed him out to his car (I had finished checking out at roughly the same time) I over heard his daughter saying that they hadn't paid for their case of water. He asked her how much it should have been, and when she replied "five dollars," he told her that they owed him at least that much for making him wait. What a perfect fucking asshole. The girl, to her credit, looked mortified that they would steal the water (perhaps she knew, after all, that her dad was a total moron and that a 2 year old could use the POS systems at a self check-out). Either way, they got into their car and I didn't see anyone going back in to pay for that 5 dollar case of Poland Spring.
I hate people who are too ignorant for their own good. And for my own good.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what is pissing me off today.
You may be asking yourself the question, "Why didn't you ask someone who works there where the croutons were?" Well the obvious answer to that would be: There are no people working there. The only people I could find were up front, and the lines are, as always, way too goddamn long. It really annoyed me. Goddamnit.
And then to top this all off, I get to the self check-out, which for some reason I continue to use despite the fact that no one else can figure it out and the lines always take longer. Whatever. At any rate, after I informed the couple in front of me that they wouldn't be able to buy alcohol through it and they moved to a real lane, I was faced with another man on the lane across from me. He had, apparently, been waiting a couple of minutes because, like most inbred pieces of worthless white-trash shit, he has no idea how to use the register system. He then asked a deli worker who happened by "don't you hear the thing saying I need help?" I had to inform him that she "works in the deli" and that he needed a "customer service associate." He gave me a scowling look, then sent his white-trash daughter over to get someone to help them. When THAT woman arrived finally, he said "Couldn't you hear this thing going off for the last 5 minutes? What's the matter with you?" To which she calmly replied "No, we can't hear it over there. You'd have to hit this buzzer or come get us." He then paid and left.
As I followed him out to his car (I had finished checking out at roughly the same time) I over heard his daughter saying that they hadn't paid for their case of water. He asked her how much it should have been, and when she replied "five dollars," he told her that they owed him at least that much for making him wait. What a perfect fucking asshole. The girl, to her credit, looked mortified that they would steal the water (perhaps she knew, after all, that her dad was a total moron and that a 2 year old could use the POS systems at a self check-out). Either way, they got into their car and I didn't see anyone going back in to pay for that 5 dollar case of Poland Spring.
I hate people who are too ignorant for their own good. And for my own good.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what is pissing me off today.
religion is for the weak?
07.20.07 (6:02 pm) [edit]
Out of all the things that I had growing up, the one thing that I was gladly never afforded was a dictated religion. This never bothered me, and now as an adult it has become even less of a problem for me. I see kids my age, kids younger, and people older, who use their respective religion as a shield; something they hide behind when they don't want to make opinions of their own. Or worse, when they have no opinions of their own, because their church or religion has so molded them into believing - and damn near 10 times out of 10, the things they believe are hatred and biggoted. Whether they see it that way or not.
My parents were both raised Catholic. My mother went to a catholic grade and middle school, not knowing the "glory" that is public school until high school. My father attended chuch regiously (no pun intended), and even served as an altar boy. After a time, though, they both faded away from the church so much so that I don't think either of them has seen the inside of one in years, except for marriages and funerals. And even those are few and far between. I can't comment on how either of them feels now about the religion that was such a part of their lives growing up, nor can I comment on their current religious affiliations. The one thing that I am glad of, though, is that I was never forced or proded by either parent to partake in any sort of organized religion - Catholic or otherwise.
As Derek and I lived with my mother, we had the luxury of growing up learning of many different religions...Or none at all, if we were to prefer. I am sure that my father was far from pleased as I studied up on the Pagan and Wiccan religions, as I'm sure he was unpleased as I studied any other ones. But he never tried to get me to go to church, of any nature, while I was growing up at all. I'm glad for this; I've learned about many religions and faiths, and can honestly call myself none of them. I constantly refer to myself as an Agnostic (an agnostic, for lack of a better description, is someone who is "up on the fence" about their belief in God, an afterlife, etc.) This mostly stems from my inante desire to never be wrong. If I claim myself to be Agnostic, and then "repent" before I die, then I will find out when I die whether God exists or doesn't.
In reality, though, I'm an Athiest at heart. I don't believe in God or the Devil. I can't imagine an entity or entities creating something so vast as the universe. Something so complex as people. As me. It's unfathomable, and it is an unnecessary belief. I know there are many things out there that I will never understand, but I also strongly believe that having an idea of a belief of something that I will never see; something inately "fictional" will not make me feel better when someone dies. It will not make me feel better when I need someone to blame for the problems that occur in my every day life.
God is used as a comfort blanket for too many people. When someone dies, they turn to God: "So-and-so is in the arms of God now. S/he's being taken care of by Jesus." (etc.) But you don't know that. And why does believing that give you more hope? More happiness? Does it, in fact, make you feel any better at all? Why doesn't the idea that your loved one, died because of nature. It was their "time." And not their time like taken by God - their time because that is when their body - their mind and heart - decided it was time to stop functioning. There is nothing mysterious about death. It just is. As it always has been. And obviously always will be. Death is final, and (blaming) it on someone (or thing, as the case may be) is just ridiculous.
As for religion itself, god - that's just insane. Let's look at Catholics, as this is the religion I am most familiar with (service wise.) On Sundays (and Wednesdays and Holy Days) people gather into a church. To hear a man say the same things. Every week. And then, what they'd like you to do is to eat some old bread, shake hands (peace be with...who?) and then give them some of your hard-earned money so that they can continue to operate and have you come back the next week and go through it all again.
The idea of organized religion depresses me. I don't feel that, were I to want to have a relationship with God, that I need to gather with other people of like mind and have someone lead me in a very standard, straight from the Bible prayer. If God were really watching over us; if he were really listening, then any prayer, no matter how informal, should reach his all-hearing ears and I should get the help I deserve. But this doesn't happen. No one has been helped by the almighty hand of God. And they probably never will.
And then there is the excessive hatred that the church spreads to the masses. Almost all religions, especially Catholisism, preach hatred. Hatred towards people who are of other religions, and of course hatred of the vicious, evil, sodomites. I speak here of the gay population. It is unbelievable and ironic that a group of people who so worship a God that is supposed to be all-loving and all-caring should cast such despisition onto a group of people who have done nothing to them specifically. I can see a lot of groups hating other groups. If I were black, I'd hate the Klan. If I were Jewish, I'd most likely hate Nazis (even neo-nazi skinhead punks...oh wait, I hate them already). But to hate people who have nothing against you? To hate people who are, in fact, a PART of your group - who join your group and keep their orientation a secret so you don't ridicule, persecute, and downright despise them? What gives? What gets me most of all is the people who can call themselves a part of this (or any) religion that preaches hate and defemation, but claims they do not hate or discriminate. You do not join a group and tolerate some of their actions, defending them, while hypocritically debasing other parts of their (and in essense your own) views. It doesn't work that way. Sorry, but you can't have it both ways.
The people who hide behind their religion are just as bad. "I hate gays because it's what God says we should do." Come now. Nowhere in the bible does it say, straight out, "you, being a follower of God, must hate the fags." Jesus Chist...You hate because you are told to? And then you use your group and its message as a walking billboard for your ideals? What is the matter with you? You're against gays? You're against abortion? You're against pedophilia? You're against the New York Yankees? Good! Do whatever you like!! But why? God did not say anywhere "thou shalt hate Derek Jeter." And God never told you that you can hate (and sometimes attack) women who are making it their right to do whatever they'd like with their bodies - including terminating their pregnancy. You don't hate the right to hate and dictate their lives. Do you see them hating you? Do you see them trying to run your religiously clogged life? No.
This country is being run by a mindless, braindead, religious nutbag. He uses religion to run this country, such as many people use it to run their lives. And there must be a lot more than I thought, as he was "elected" (*cough* bought the vote *cough*) into office, not once but twice...now serving a second full term of religious dictation over this country. It's a sad way to live, and people just can't see it. Isn't one freak, spreading his hatred and intoleration of people who are different than him, enough for this country to handle? Don't be like him.
One Nation, Under Yourself.
Never God
Think about it.
My parents were both raised Catholic. My mother went to a catholic grade and middle school, not knowing the "glory" that is public school until high school. My father attended chuch regiously (no pun intended), and even served as an altar boy. After a time, though, they both faded away from the church so much so that I don't think either of them has seen the inside of one in years, except for marriages and funerals. And even those are few and far between. I can't comment on how either of them feels now about the religion that was such a part of their lives growing up, nor can I comment on their current religious affiliations. The one thing that I am glad of, though, is that I was never forced or proded by either parent to partake in any sort of organized religion - Catholic or otherwise.
As Derek and I lived with my mother, we had the luxury of growing up learning of many different religions...Or none at all, if we were to prefer. I am sure that my father was far from pleased as I studied up on the Pagan and Wiccan religions, as I'm sure he was unpleased as I studied any other ones. But he never tried to get me to go to church, of any nature, while I was growing up at all. I'm glad for this; I've learned about many religions and faiths, and can honestly call myself none of them. I constantly refer to myself as an Agnostic (an agnostic, for lack of a better description, is someone who is "up on the fence" about their belief in God, an afterlife, etc.) This mostly stems from my inante desire to never be wrong. If I claim myself to be Agnostic, and then "repent" before I die, then I will find out when I die whether God exists or doesn't.
In reality, though, I'm an Athiest at heart. I don't believe in God or the Devil. I can't imagine an entity or entities creating something so vast as the universe. Something so complex as people. As me. It's unfathomable, and it is an unnecessary belief. I know there are many things out there that I will never understand, but I also strongly believe that having an idea of a belief of something that I will never see; something inately "fictional" will not make me feel better when someone dies. It will not make me feel better when I need someone to blame for the problems that occur in my every day life.
God is used as a comfort blanket for too many people. When someone dies, they turn to God: "So-and-so is in the arms of God now. S/he's being taken care of by Jesus." (etc.) But you don't know that. And why does believing that give you more hope? More happiness? Does it, in fact, make you feel any better at all? Why doesn't the idea that your loved one, died because of nature. It was their "time." And not their time like taken by God - their time because that is when their body - their mind and heart - decided it was time to stop functioning. There is nothing mysterious about death. It just is. As it always has been. And obviously always will be. Death is final, and (blaming) it on someone (or thing, as the case may be) is just ridiculous.
As for religion itself, god - that's just insane. Let's look at Catholics, as this is the religion I am most familiar with (service wise.) On Sundays (and Wednesdays and Holy Days) people gather into a church. To hear a man say the same things. Every week. And then, what they'd like you to do is to eat some old bread, shake hands (peace be with...who?) and then give them some of your hard-earned money so that they can continue to operate and have you come back the next week and go through it all again.
The idea of organized religion depresses me. I don't feel that, were I to want to have a relationship with God, that I need to gather with other people of like mind and have someone lead me in a very standard, straight from the Bible prayer. If God were really watching over us; if he were really listening, then any prayer, no matter how informal, should reach his all-hearing ears and I should get the help I deserve. But this doesn't happen. No one has been helped by the almighty hand of God. And they probably never will.
And then there is the excessive hatred that the church spreads to the masses. Almost all religions, especially Catholisism, preach hatred. Hatred towards people who are of other religions, and of course hatred of the vicious, evil, sodomites. I speak here of the gay population. It is unbelievable and ironic that a group of people who so worship a God that is supposed to be all-loving and all-caring should cast such despisition onto a group of people who have done nothing to them specifically. I can see a lot of groups hating other groups. If I were black, I'd hate the Klan. If I were Jewish, I'd most likely hate Nazis (even neo-nazi skinhead punks...oh wait, I hate them already). But to hate people who have nothing against you? To hate people who are, in fact, a PART of your group - who join your group and keep their orientation a secret so you don't ridicule, persecute, and downright despise them? What gives? What gets me most of all is the people who can call themselves a part of this (or any) religion that preaches hate and defemation, but claims they do not hate or discriminate. You do not join a group and tolerate some of their actions, defending them, while hypocritically debasing other parts of their (and in essense your own) views. It doesn't work that way. Sorry, but you can't have it both ways.
The people who hide behind their religion are just as bad. "I hate gays because it's what God says we should do." Come now. Nowhere in the bible does it say, straight out, "you, being a follower of God, must hate the fags." Jesus Chist...You hate because you are told to? And then you use your group and its message as a walking billboard for your ideals? What is the matter with you? You're against gays? You're against abortion? You're against pedophilia? You're against the New York Yankees? Good! Do whatever you like!! But why? God did not say anywhere "thou shalt hate Derek Jeter." And God never told you that you can hate (and sometimes attack) women who are making it their right to do whatever they'd like with their bodies - including terminating their pregnancy. You don't hate the right to hate and dictate their lives. Do you see them hating you? Do you see them trying to run your religiously clogged life? No.
This country is being run by a mindless, braindead, religious nutbag. He uses religion to run this country, such as many people use it to run their lives. And there must be a lot more than I thought, as he was "elected" (*cough* bought the vote *cough*) into office, not once but twice...now serving a second full term of religious dictation over this country. It's a sad way to live, and people just can't see it. Isn't one freak, spreading his hatred and intoleration of people who are different than him, enough for this country to handle? Don't be like him.
One Nation, Under Yourself.
Never God
Think about it.
A Lullaby To Help You Die
06.26.07 (5:50 pm) [edit]
Perhaps my crippling headaches will be gone, as I had my other tooth pulled out today. Despite the fact that it first broke about 10 years ago, it has only bothered me on random occasions. But I was sick of the violent pain and the sleepless nights, so I had it removed. Now there is that weird void in my mouth where a tooth should be. Thankfully it isn't in the front - I live in a constant fear of losing one of my front teeth. I wouldn't want to look like Chris Benoit...that is, hanging by my neck in my fucking weight room.
Too soon? pfft....
Anyway so now that I don't have to worry about mind-numbing pain in my brain, I can concentrate on other things, like...sleeping. Which is something that I've severely missed the last few nights. And the lack of sex has been most regrettable. I must make up for that very soon.
Work is work - inventory tomorrow and it's just me and Mike all day long. Hopefully we will be slow enough that we can just zip around and get most of it done in the morning. I really don't want to be stuck at the Shack until midnight or some absurd bull malarkey. What a giant pain in the ass inventory is, even with the hand-held scanners. Ghey.
Went to Portland the other day with L and we swung into the new stadium theatres and saw 1408. It was a fantastic horror flick in a world of menial crap. And here I was worried that with a PG-13 rating it wouldn't be able to deliver. I was wrong. It was very well worth the 13 dollars in tickets. The theatre is very nice and plush, and had wonderful tall-back seats that have a slight recline. Perhaps someone should suggest these things to the local MVM theatre. Second rate hand-me-downs just aren't cutting it in this IMAX age.
Alright, well, I think it's time to go ravish the woman. I'm off.
Too soon? pfft....
Anyway so now that I don't have to worry about mind-numbing pain in my brain, I can concentrate on other things, like...sleeping. Which is something that I've severely missed the last few nights. And the lack of sex has been most regrettable. I must make up for that very soon.
Work is work - inventory tomorrow and it's just me and Mike all day long. Hopefully we will be slow enough that we can just zip around and get most of it done in the morning. I really don't want to be stuck at the Shack until midnight or some absurd bull malarkey. What a giant pain in the ass inventory is, even with the hand-held scanners. Ghey.
Went to Portland the other day with L and we swung into the new stadium theatres and saw 1408. It was a fantastic horror flick in a world of menial crap. And here I was worried that with a PG-13 rating it wouldn't be able to deliver. I was wrong. It was very well worth the 13 dollars in tickets. The theatre is very nice and plush, and had wonderful tall-back seats that have a slight recline. Perhaps someone should suggest these things to the local MVM theatre. Second rate hand-me-downs just aren't cutting it in this IMAX age.
Alright, well, I think it's time to go ravish the woman. I'm off.
SiCKO The Movie
06.20.07 (5:41 pm) [edit]
I've labeled this blog as being in the "movies" section, although in reality it's going to be more about my opinions after watching the movie - not on the film itself, but on what is portrayed as, basically, us living in the worst country in the world.
The film is SiCKO, the latest from documentary filmmaker Michael Moore, of Bowling For Columbine fame. This latest depicts his trips to different countries like Canada, France, England, and Cuba - and describes in detail how much better their socialized medicine is compared to our HMO and insurance bullshit. It talks of one woman, who had full coverage from the country's largest insurance company, but who took her daughter to an "undesignated" hospital when she fell ill with a 104 degree fever. After begging and pleading with the doctors at the hospital she was at to treat her daughter, she decided to risk her daughter's health and try and go to a hospital within her insurance's "network" of hospitals. Her daughter died after 30 minutes of doctors trying to revive her. She was 18 months old. It's the most disturbing medical scenario I can imagine. And it happened in this country, where no one should be denied health care - especially a woman who has insurance (full coverage!). Yet in France, when the same thing happened to another woman, she brought her daughter to the hospital where the kept her in a room for 3 days, watching and making sure that her infection didn't spread or start up again. And that woman paid a big fat zero for her daughter's 3 day stay in the hospital. Amazing.
Let me just say that I 've never been more embarassed to live in this country then I was after I was done watching this film. And infuriated. I know that a lot of people say that Michael Moore is sensationalist and one-sided - of course he is, he's a documentary filmmaker. That's his job. But just because he doesn't say one thing, doesn't mean that he's lying about other things. He talked to a group of Americans living in France, who boasted of the LAWS that France has, including free healthcare to everyone, free college, as many sick days as is needed (including months at a time...PAID) and even nannies, who are paid by the government, to come help new mothers adjust to life with a baby. All of this is paid for by the government - which means, of course, that it is paid for in taxes.
But what is so wrong with paying for it in your taxes? Is it really an issue if everyone pays a little extra every week or month or year to NEVER again have to worry about money when they are sick? To live in a place where you know that, no matter what, you will get paid sick time from work and amazing health care no matter what it is. And at no direct cost to you. You never see a bill.
Not every American can be like me. I get a $2000 hospital bill (for a single trip to the ER one night) and I just let it rot. My credit is abysmal, and it can only go downhill from here. (BTW - medical bills are NOT supposed to go onto your national credit score - but they do anyway) Most people need their 3 jobs to pay to live, or to pay for their families to live. Or to get that insurance for those times "just in case." The insurance at my job is 25 dollars a week, and that's just for me. That amounts to 1300 a year. Granted, that doesn't seem like a lot. But on a budget, being a single 24 year old, I can't swing that. I can't afford 22 dollars a week on the CHANCE that I might get sick or need to see a doctor. I rarely get sick. And even when I am sick, I even MORE rarely go to see a doctor. It's a good deal, what I can get from my company, but not good enough for me. Maybe I'd have to pay that much or more for a socialized system, but it just would feel different. I'm sure you don't understand, but it makes sense to me. Everyone helps everyone - it's not me paying for chance.
All over the world people are getting free health care. And better health care than we are in the states. Even places like Cuba have a longer life span per person than we do. And France. And England. And even Canadians have an average life span 3 years longer than Americans. The poorest, most unhealthy Englishman has a longer life span then the richest American. It's truly sad. I thought we were supposed to be living in a place where no one could be denied health care for any reason? I think most doctors have forgotten the oath they took to help people, and consider their field a way to line their pockets with insurance payers money. Moore even interviewed a doctor, on payroll from the governemt, in England. The man made $200,000 a year - and more when he actually HELPED people get over their illness or afflictions (such as smoking - lives in a million dollar home and has all the "toys" of a doctor in the states. But it's the doctors in this country who are afraid they will make less money on a socialized system. They don't want to lose control of their practices and give the government the say on how things should be done. They just can't see the good in that.
But I can.
See you in Canada.
The film is SiCKO, the latest from documentary filmmaker Michael Moore, of Bowling For Columbine fame. This latest depicts his trips to different countries like Canada, France, England, and Cuba - and describes in detail how much better their socialized medicine is compared to our HMO and insurance bullshit. It talks of one woman, who had full coverage from the country's largest insurance company, but who took her daughter to an "undesignated" hospital when she fell ill with a 104 degree fever. After begging and pleading with the doctors at the hospital she was at to treat her daughter, she decided to risk her daughter's health and try and go to a hospital within her insurance's "network" of hospitals. Her daughter died after 30 minutes of doctors trying to revive her. She was 18 months old. It's the most disturbing medical scenario I can imagine. And it happened in this country, where no one should be denied health care - especially a woman who has insurance (full coverage!). Yet in France, when the same thing happened to another woman, she brought her daughter to the hospital where the kept her in a room for 3 days, watching and making sure that her infection didn't spread or start up again. And that woman paid a big fat zero for her daughter's 3 day stay in the hospital. Amazing.
Let me just say that I 've never been more embarassed to live in this country then I was after I was done watching this film. And infuriated. I know that a lot of people say that Michael Moore is sensationalist and one-sided - of course he is, he's a documentary filmmaker. That's his job. But just because he doesn't say one thing, doesn't mean that he's lying about other things. He talked to a group of Americans living in France, who boasted of the LAWS that France has, including free healthcare to everyone, free college, as many sick days as is needed (including months at a time...PAID) and even nannies, who are paid by the government, to come help new mothers adjust to life with a baby. All of this is paid for by the government - which means, of course, that it is paid for in taxes.
But what is so wrong with paying for it in your taxes? Is it really an issue if everyone pays a little extra every week or month or year to NEVER again have to worry about money when they are sick? To live in a place where you know that, no matter what, you will get paid sick time from work and amazing health care no matter what it is. And at no direct cost to you. You never see a bill.
Not every American can be like me. I get a $2000 hospital bill (for a single trip to the ER one night) and I just let it rot. My credit is abysmal, and it can only go downhill from here. (BTW - medical bills are NOT supposed to go onto your national credit score - but they do anyway) Most people need their 3 jobs to pay to live, or to pay for their families to live. Or to get that insurance for those times "just in case." The insurance at my job is 25 dollars a week, and that's just for me. That amounts to 1300 a year. Granted, that doesn't seem like a lot. But on a budget, being a single 24 year old, I can't swing that. I can't afford 22 dollars a week on the CHANCE that I might get sick or need to see a doctor. I rarely get sick. And even when I am sick, I even MORE rarely go to see a doctor. It's a good deal, what I can get from my company, but not good enough for me. Maybe I'd have to pay that much or more for a socialized system, but it just would feel different. I'm sure you don't understand, but it makes sense to me. Everyone helps everyone - it's not me paying for chance.
All over the world people are getting free health care. And better health care than we are in the states. Even places like Cuba have a longer life span per person than we do. And France. And England. And even Canadians have an average life span 3 years longer than Americans. The poorest, most unhealthy Englishman has a longer life span then the richest American. It's truly sad. I thought we were supposed to be living in a place where no one could be denied health care for any reason? I think most doctors have forgotten the oath they took to help people, and consider their field a way to line their pockets with insurance payers money. Moore even interviewed a doctor, on payroll from the governemt, in England. The man made $200,000 a year - and more when he actually HELPED people get over their illness or afflictions (such as smoking - lives in a million dollar home and has all the "toys" of a doctor in the states. But it's the doctors in this country who are afraid they will make less money on a socialized system. They don't want to lose control of their practices and give the government the say on how things should be done. They just can't see the good in that.
But I can.
See you in Canada.
never wanted to be part of your world
06.15.07 (6:34 pm) [edit]
Let's see what's new in life...
Ok nothing. But even that, in itself, is nothing new. Which really makes for some boring journals I suppose. It's really sad when your life completely revolves around work, yet all you have is a menial retail job. I guess that's life for most, eh?
Went to Myk's dad's house the other night in Gorham. He picked me up from work (Myk) and we took the drive over there. It's normally like a 45 minute ride through The Notch, but with Myk it was closer to 25 minutes. I had to hang on for dear life around the edges, praying that we would catch up to another car going closer to the speed limit, and that the road would be lacking passing zones. But we made it there just fine, and passes a couple of hours eating and chatting. Myk's dad is remarkably like mine. I suppose they could be long-lost siblings. It really was funny. Myk's brothers are strange in their own right; I suppose that years of medication will do that to someone. Especially when it's unclear whether they ever really needed the medication in the first place.
That is my excitement for the week, actually. We left, came home, caught the end of Titanic (Lauren was watching it in the bedroom) and I hit the vagina...er, bed for the night. Work work work every day since. I don't have a day off until Monday, and very little cash to work with here. I had to put $130 into Lauren's account the other day because she was overdrawn and we needed to catch it up so as not to have fees every ten seconds. I really need to help her get better with her money organizations. That's probably something that would make my mother laugh, because she always thought I blew my money. I suppose at one time I did, but I have it down pretty well now. I know how much I need every month and yes, sometimes we have been short, but never because I wasted the money somewhere else. Now that there are 5 of us and we have this cheap place, it's going to make it a lot easier to save money. I hope to have a car of my own by the end of the summer.
Speaking of which, D and I bought a Sirius Radio for Kymm's car today. It was on sale, and then with my discount it brought it down to about 25 bucks. Plus we just pre-paid for a few months so now we have it until at least September. If we end up not using it, I just won't renew it. But I'm sure we will. Lauren was annoyed that I bought it; she thinks it was a waste of money. I told her that it was MY goddamned money and that I can do whatever I want with it and that when she learns to have money saved then she can buy whatever she wants. I don't want to be controlling, but nor do I want to be controlled. I love her so much, and I would do anything so that I didn't have to see her upset, but I seriously do not need someone looking out for my finances, especially when they are in a worse situation than I.
Anyway, if you're reading, let me know. I want to start writing a little more "deeply" about a lot of things, but I want to see if people even want to read it. So let me know.
"Go ahead, take my life. Just take my pain with it."
Ok nothing. But even that, in itself, is nothing new. Which really makes for some boring journals I suppose. It's really sad when your life completely revolves around work, yet all you have is a menial retail job. I guess that's life for most, eh?
Went to Myk's dad's house the other night in Gorham. He picked me up from work (Myk) and we took the drive over there. It's normally like a 45 minute ride through The Notch, but with Myk it was closer to 25 minutes. I had to hang on for dear life around the edges, praying that we would catch up to another car going closer to the speed limit, and that the road would be lacking passing zones. But we made it there just fine, and passes a couple of hours eating and chatting. Myk's dad is remarkably like mine. I suppose they could be long-lost siblings. It really was funny. Myk's brothers are strange in their own right; I suppose that years of medication will do that to someone. Especially when it's unclear whether they ever really needed the medication in the first place.
That is my excitement for the week, actually. We left, came home, caught the end of Titanic (Lauren was watching it in the bedroom) and I hit the vagina...er, bed for the night. Work work work every day since. I don't have a day off until Monday, and very little cash to work with here. I had to put $130 into Lauren's account the other day because she was overdrawn and we needed to catch it up so as not to have fees every ten seconds. I really need to help her get better with her money organizations. That's probably something that would make my mother laugh, because she always thought I blew my money. I suppose at one time I did, but I have it down pretty well now. I know how much I need every month and yes, sometimes we have been short, but never because I wasted the money somewhere else. Now that there are 5 of us and we have this cheap place, it's going to make it a lot easier to save money. I hope to have a car of my own by the end of the summer.
Speaking of which, D and I bought a Sirius Radio for Kymm's car today. It was on sale, and then with my discount it brought it down to about 25 bucks. Plus we just pre-paid for a few months so now we have it until at least September. If we end up not using it, I just won't renew it. But I'm sure we will. Lauren was annoyed that I bought it; she thinks it was a waste of money. I told her that it was MY goddamned money and that I can do whatever I want with it and that when she learns to have money saved then she can buy whatever she wants. I don't want to be controlling, but nor do I want to be controlled. I love her so much, and I would do anything so that I didn't have to see her upset, but I seriously do not need someone looking out for my finances, especially when they are in a worse situation than I.
Anyway, if you're reading, let me know. I want to start writing a little more "deeply" about a lot of things, but I want to see if people even want to read it. So let me know.
"Go ahead, take my life. Just take my pain with it."
A Rebirth?
06.11.07 (7:56 am) [edit]
Wow, it's been almost 3 years since I last used this journal. I had totally forgotten that it existed ever since I switched over to Livejournal. Last night though, while Googling myself, this page came up. I spent an hour reading old entries aloud to my girlfriend (whom I'm sure was jealous because all my old entries are about me pining for my ex) and just laughing at the stupidity of it all. But I knew that I had to start writing again in here, and even if no one reads it this time at least it will amuse me.
So let me tell you a little about myself. First of all, I'm now almost 24. I'm a full-timer at a retail chain you may have heard of called Radio Shack. It's a good gig, and as 3rd key I get plenty of hours. The work isn't bad, and the pay is good when there are people buying (commissions are a bitch.) I've been there for a year in September.
I'm living in a really nice apartment (that we just moved into a week or so ago) with my girlfriend, Lauren, as well as my brothers D and Kymm, and our friend Myk. I know it sounds like a lot of people, but it's really not. We have a huge 4 bedroom place (with three bathrooms!) so 5 people isn't that big of a deal. It's a lot better than the last (2 bedroom, 1 bath) shit hole that we were all living in. Everyone seems much happier now that no one is sleeping on the couch.
I'm still really into music; Cancerslug is still my favorite band. Although I really wish that I could change the URL of this blog - It appears, if you didn't know the reference, that I have cancer, and I don't...at least not that I'm aware of. I don't really listen to punk anymore, though - I pretty much only listen to hardcore/metal stuff. Musical tastes have changed, but my taste in movies haven't. They still are a huge part of my life, even if I am not at the movie theatre anymore. I try, every once in a while, to talk my old boss into letting me have a couple hours, but to no avail. Eh, let sleeping dogs lie, right?
So Lauren and I have been together now steadily for 4 months, but we've been on-and-off since the end of last summer. It's the happiest that I've ever been. It's so nice to have someone to be comfortable and content with...for once. *sigh* Wow, now I know no one is going to read my journal if I'm just sitting here talking about how "good" everything is going in life. What kind of blog is this going to be if there isn't a little "emoness" to it? Haha.
Wow. Anyway, so that's life right now. 3 years, all summed up in a couple of paragraphs. Amazing. I guess the only thing I skipped is that I 1) never did finish college, and it was all a horrible waste of time. And 2) I rarely talk to Shannon anymore. She's a horrible mess, and I'm not. And that's pretty much the exact opposite of how I always thought our lives would end up. I almost want to say "too bad," but she's still a friend it's horrible that she's such a fuck-up. I guess there is nothing else that I can do for her, so I've let it go. I'm too happy to worry about EVERYTHING else.
That's life in a nutshell. I hope if you read this, you'll leave me a comment so I know I'm not completely wasting time, haha.
"And baby, this won't get any easier..."
So let me tell you a little about myself. First of all, I'm now almost 24. I'm a full-timer at a retail chain you may have heard of called Radio Shack. It's a good gig, and as 3rd key I get plenty of hours. The work isn't bad, and the pay is good when there are people buying (commissions are a bitch.) I've been there for a year in September.
I'm living in a really nice apartment (that we just moved into a week or so ago) with my girlfriend, Lauren, as well as my brothers D and Kymm, and our friend Myk. I know it sounds like a lot of people, but it's really not. We have a huge 4 bedroom place (with three bathrooms!) so 5 people isn't that big of a deal. It's a lot better than the last (2 bedroom, 1 bath) shit hole that we were all living in. Everyone seems much happier now that no one is sleeping on the couch.
I'm still really into music; Cancerslug is still my favorite band. Although I really wish that I could change the URL of this blog - It appears, if you didn't know the reference, that I have cancer, and I don't...at least not that I'm aware of. I don't really listen to punk anymore, though - I pretty much only listen to hardcore/metal stuff. Musical tastes have changed, but my taste in movies haven't. They still are a huge part of my life, even if I am not at the movie theatre anymore. I try, every once in a while, to talk my old boss into letting me have a couple hours, but to no avail. Eh, let sleeping dogs lie, right?
So Lauren and I have been together now steadily for 4 months, but we've been on-and-off since the end of last summer. It's the happiest that I've ever been. It's so nice to have someone to be comfortable and content with...for once. *sigh* Wow, now I know no one is going to read my journal if I'm just sitting here talking about how "good" everything is going in life. What kind of blog is this going to be if there isn't a little "emoness" to it? Haha.
Wow. Anyway, so that's life right now. 3 years, all summed up in a couple of paragraphs. Amazing. I guess the only thing I skipped is that I 1) never did finish college, and it was all a horrible waste of time. And 2) I rarely talk to Shannon anymore. She's a horrible mess, and I'm not. And that's pretty much the exact opposite of how I always thought our lives would end up. I almost want to say "too bad," but she's still a friend it's horrible that she's such a fuck-up. I guess there is nothing else that I can do for her, so I've let it go. I'm too happy to worry about EVERYTHING else.
That's life in a nutshell. I hope if you read this, you'll leave me a comment so I know I'm not completely wasting time, haha.
"And baby, this won't get any easier..."
fuck tBlog...get a livejournal.
08.21.04 (9:57 am) [edit]
yeah, so i am done with this blog i think. It just isn't me anymore. i am not thrilled with the changes that tBlog is making, and i just don't care to post here. The most appealing feature on here was the side bar, where after you post it appears on there. Of course, it hardly ever works correctly, and no one fucking comments on my posts anyway. apparently, when you post something long, people skip over it because they either 1) don't care or 2) don't know how to read. either way, my posts tend to run long, because, frankly, i have shit to bitch about.
So, for those 3 people who DID read my journal, i have switched to livejournal. you should too, because it is so much better than this crappity crap.
my live journal is Stalker's Rage, if you want to read it, click that link.
or for those of you who want to email me, have at it with celluloidkid@mailcity.com, ok? so there ya go. i will occasionally check this site, my blog, and what not just to see what is up. and to my friends on here, i will STILL come read your journals, even if you don't read mine.
goodbye!
-Rob Gacy-
"fuck..."
So, for those 3 people who DID read my journal, i have switched to livejournal. you should too, because it is so much better than this crappity crap.
my live journal is Stalker's Rage, if you want to read it, click that link.
or for those of you who want to email me, have at it with celluloidkid@mailcity.com, ok? so there ya go. i will occasionally check this site, my blog, and what not just to see what is up. and to my friends on here, i will STILL come read your journals, even if you don't read mine.
goodbye!
-Rob Gacy-
"fuck..."
So many blogs...so little time
08.18.04 (9:53 am) [edit]
So aside from this journal, I also have a deadjournal and a livejournal (gotta follow the crowd). So I prob will be posting in this one LESS, and more so in my livejournal. Not saying I won't post here, this will prob be my griping journal, and my livejournal will be my "real" journal.
either way, here is the livejournal:
StalkersRage.
There ya go...enjoy.
either way, here is the livejournal:
StalkersRage.
There ya go...enjoy.
Waist deep in blood
08.17.04 (6:36 pm) [edit]
me: what are you doing friday? babysitting?
her: no
me: just hanging out?
her: yeah.
her: i might...see what Jake is doing.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
thus brings on another fresh tirade of stomach pains and a massive headache...
fuck this life. I hate worrying. I'm scared. Goddamnit.
[i]"Won't be long 'til I am dead
...Dissapointments are mouting each day."[/i]
her: no
me: just hanging out?
her: yeah.
her: i might...see what Jake is doing.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
thus brings on another fresh tirade of stomach pains and a massive headache...
fuck this life. I hate worrying. I'm scared. Goddamnit.
[i]"Won't be long 'til I am dead
...Dissapointments are mouting each day."[/i]
An Apple a Day...
08.17.04 (5:44 pm) [edit]
So i got up really early this morning and went to the hospital for that thing with my stomache. They couldn't tell me shit, so i came home and called in to work, then called Shannon to talk to her. She ended up calling the health center and they got me an appointment for 1 o'clock. So I slept for awhile, then went over. They basically came up with the idea it is probably my IBS again causing me to have all these problems.
This seems relatively likely to me, because IBS is easily aggrivated by stress. God knows I have plenty of that right now.
So I have to go see a specialist about it, and he can tell me for sure. It really sucks. So I lost a whole day of work, and I am probably not going in tomorrow because they want me to relax. Apparently it can get worse pretty easily, causing intestinal ulcers. That isn't something that I really want to deal with at all.
So I talked to Shannon the other night. Hardest thing I ever had to talk to her about. And she actually listened to me, without interupting me or anything. She just listened to me. I talked about how I feel that she is really hurting herself, and that she wouldn't necessarily realize it, even if she thought she would. I talked to her about Jake, and said that maybe if she is so confused, she should take a little time away.
Hopefully she does, because I think that she has a lot to think about, here, and having him around wouldn't make it easier. Having me around probably doesn't either, harrassing her all the time. She gets so upset, but I just want to know that she is listening to me. I don't want anything to happen to her. I don't know what she has going on in her right now...but she says she doesn't either. I don't know what to say to her anymore, so I am just no saying anything. I know that I am driving her crazy (she tells me all the time), but it drives me crazy not talking about it.
I asked her to think about not hanging out with Jake for now...hopefully not for the rest of the time we are here (ONLY A WEEK AND A 1/2 BEFORE SCHOOL!) so that she can just...think....i guess. So far, she hasn't hung out with him. Maybe I am a little jealous still, but honestly i am over that mostly...I really AM just thinking about her, and how I don't want anything to happen, you know? Its just as hard for me as it is for her.
I hope that she really does take in everything that I told her the other night, and I hope that she thinks twice about hanging out with him right now. I think she thinks that I don't like him or something. But it really isn't that. I just don't want him around her right now, because she is so confused about everything that, basically, she needs some time, i think. And although that is only what i THINK, i know her better than anyone and i like to think i know what can help her.
Her and i have been through so much shit together, and this has really been tearing us apart. And we aren't even together anymore. But I can't help the way that I feel. We have years left together, literally, and I don't want anything to happen to her. I am not nieve, I know that I can't protect her from everything. But I do think that if there is something that I can help her with, I should try. She says that she heard me the other night, and so far she hasn't seen him...and tomorrow she is going to P-town with her mom. So even though I won't see her, she (hopefully) won't be able to see her either. I really don't not like him...i have no reason to. I am sick of being so selfish, and I am so sick of Shannon and everyone else thinking I am...I really am thinking of her. And if you don't think so, then fuck you...because you just don't know.
I am so sick of defending myself to people...it's getting harder and harder all the time. So fuck you anyway, because you don't really know me. I don't know me. So how can you judge?
[i]"The hollow things you say to me don't mean a thing..."[/i]
This seems relatively likely to me, because IBS is easily aggrivated by stress. God knows I have plenty of that right now.
So I have to go see a specialist about it, and he can tell me for sure. It really sucks. So I lost a whole day of work, and I am probably not going in tomorrow because they want me to relax. Apparently it can get worse pretty easily, causing intestinal ulcers. That isn't something that I really want to deal with at all.
So I talked to Shannon the other night. Hardest thing I ever had to talk to her about. And she actually listened to me, without interupting me or anything. She just listened to me. I talked about how I feel that she is really hurting herself, and that she wouldn't necessarily realize it, even if she thought she would. I talked to her about Jake, and said that maybe if she is so confused, she should take a little time away.
Hopefully she does, because I think that she has a lot to think about, here, and having him around wouldn't make it easier. Having me around probably doesn't either, harrassing her all the time. She gets so upset, but I just want to know that she is listening to me. I don't want anything to happen to her. I don't know what she has going on in her right now...but she says she doesn't either. I don't know what to say to her anymore, so I am just no saying anything. I know that I am driving her crazy (she tells me all the time), but it drives me crazy not talking about it.
I asked her to think about not hanging out with Jake for now...hopefully not for the rest of the time we are here (ONLY A WEEK AND A 1/2 BEFORE SCHOOL!) so that she can just...think....i guess. So far, she hasn't hung out with him. Maybe I am a little jealous still, but honestly i am over that mostly...I really AM just thinking about her, and how I don't want anything to happen, you know? Its just as hard for me as it is for her.
I hope that she really does take in everything that I told her the other night, and I hope that she thinks twice about hanging out with him right now. I think she thinks that I don't like him or something. But it really isn't that. I just don't want him around her right now, because she is so confused about everything that, basically, she needs some time, i think. And although that is only what i THINK, i know her better than anyone and i like to think i know what can help her.
Her and i have been through so much shit together, and this has really been tearing us apart. And we aren't even together anymore. But I can't help the way that I feel. We have years left together, literally, and I don't want anything to happen to her. I am not nieve, I know that I can't protect her from everything. But I do think that if there is something that I can help her with, I should try. She says that she heard me the other night, and so far she hasn't seen him...and tomorrow she is going to P-town with her mom. So even though I won't see her, she (hopefully) won't be able to see her either. I really don't not like him...i have no reason to. I am sick of being so selfish, and I am so sick of Shannon and everyone else thinking I am...I really am thinking of her. And if you don't think so, then fuck you...because you just don't know.
I am so sick of defending myself to people...it's getting harder and harder all the time. So fuck you anyway, because you don't really know me. I don't know me. So how can you judge?
[i]"The hollow things you say to me don't mean a thing..."[/i]
a night as uneventful as the day
08.16.04 (7:36 pm) [edit]
you know, just once I would like to rent a movie and finish the fucking thing. I don't remember the last time that Shannon and I rented movies, and ended up watching any of them all the way through. I think that we ended up watching [i]the dreamers [/i]all the way through, but I don't even remeber that because I think i was drinking.
Anyway, we always rent these movies, ones that she wants to get, and we never watch them. She is so psyched about getting them in the store, we get them home and not even half way through she gets bored and says that she doesn't want to watch them anymore. Or maybe it is because she can't ever get herself together anymore just to get off the fucking computer and put in a movie and just WATCH it.
I remember the old days of going to her dad's house on Saturday nights, and we would bring movies and just watch until late into the night. And it was almost always a good time.
Not any more. Things have changed so much I can't stand it.
Fuck it...I am sick of writing.
Anyway, we always rent these movies, ones that she wants to get, and we never watch them. She is so psyched about getting them in the store, we get them home and not even half way through she gets bored and says that she doesn't want to watch them anymore. Or maybe it is because she can't ever get herself together anymore just to get off the fucking computer and put in a movie and just WATCH it.
I remember the old days of going to her dad's house on Saturday nights, and we would bring movies and just watch until late into the night. And it was almost always a good time.
Not any more. Things have changed so much I can't stand it.
Fuck it...I am sick of writing.
work sucks, but at least im almost done
08.16.04 (1:47 pm) [edit]
well,
today was a long, difficult day at work. And the thing is, i only worked in the afternoon and it was slow. It was just really crappy...i was in such a crappy mood. well, not crappy so much as in a depressive mood. And I am not even sure why.
I spent the whole day thinking about shannon. And every second it just all got harder and harder to think about. I'm so depressed.
Now I am here in Bartlett with her, and at some point Bobby is probably going to come over and we will watch "House of 1000 Corpses". Even if he doesn't come over, then we will probably watch it. I really hope that Jake doesn't come over at all. That scenario is the one that has really been hurting me the most, and it is one that I just don't want to deal with tonight...or ever. I am so glad that we are off to school soon, and maybe we can finally get over everything that has been happening in town...I don't even know what I am saying.
Anyway...I think that I am going to go to the corner store and get a drink and maybe a snack.
More later, probably.
[i]"Filled with rage,
it's the only light..."[/i]
today was a long, difficult day at work. And the thing is, i only worked in the afternoon and it was slow. It was just really crappy...i was in such a crappy mood. well, not crappy so much as in a depressive mood. And I am not even sure why.
I spent the whole day thinking about shannon. And every second it just all got harder and harder to think about. I'm so depressed.
Now I am here in Bartlett with her, and at some point Bobby is probably going to come over and we will watch "House of 1000 Corpses". Even if he doesn't come over, then we will probably watch it. I really hope that Jake doesn't come over at all. That scenario is the one that has really been hurting me the most, and it is one that I just don't want to deal with tonight...or ever. I am so glad that we are off to school soon, and maybe we can finally get over everything that has been happening in town...I don't even know what I am saying.
Anyway...I think that I am going to go to the corner store and get a drink and maybe a snack.
More later, probably.
[i]"Filled with rage,
it's the only light..."[/i]
this isn't helping me
08.15.04 (12:52 pm) [edit]
for a while after Shannon and i broke up, this blog was really a place for me to vent, and it was really helping me to feel better for a while. But now it isn't really doing shit. No one reads it, no one comments, and most of the ones i do get say i should get over her...well fuck that. because you don't know.
So maybe i will write in here again, maybe i won't...i don't really know right this second. But i do know that life just isn't where i want to be right now.
[i]"I depress you?.. Life is full of pain and hurt. I'm sorry if I point out the obvious..I’ll be sure to never have an opinion about life again.
I really couldn’t give a fuck what people think of me, because to be honest no one even knows me. I don’t even know myself at times..."[/i]
So maybe i will write in here again, maybe i won't...i don't really know right this second. But i do know that life just isn't where i want to be right now.
[i]"I depress you?.. Life is full of pain and hurt. I'm sorry if I point out the obvious..I’ll be sure to never have an opinion about life again.
I really couldn’t give a fuck what people think of me, because to be honest no one even knows me. I don’t even know myself at times..."[/i]
death valley
08.15.04 (11:01 am) [edit]
i am so low right now. i don't know why. i mean i do, but in reality i shouldn't be. she told me nothing was going to happen again. i believe it. really i do. but that doesn't mean that when she goes out i can't be jealous. i am scared. i am scared that she is looking to actually find someone new. why? why does she want to? it really is making me feel so useless, because its like she is just drifting away from me.
we had a good talk last night. and i know how she feels about what happened. and i understand that i am not the most important thing in her life anymorem because we aren't going out. but i want her...i need her back in my life.
she's still here, but it is like she isn't anymore. things just seem to be getting worse and worse all the time. it is literally making me sick. i have been sick for days. everything that is going on in my life is just making me feel more and more out of it. i feel so close to the breaking point that i don't know what it would take to bring me back anymore.
i want to just leave. i want this next week to go by so i can be done with work. i want the week after to go by so that we can go to school. i want her to realize that i am still here...
am i being stupid? am i being too persitant in my thinking?
i remeber a time when i would be hanging out with her, and when it was time for me to go she would beg me to stay just one minute longer, and when i left and got home we would get on the phone or online and talk forever.
i hate the way things have become. i hate that when last night i said i needed to leave she just said "ok" and gave me a hug and that was in. i hate that when i call her she acts like she doesn't want to hear from me and seems like she is in a rush to get me off the phone. i don't mean to be unloading all of my problems on her...and that isn't what i am trying to do. maybe if she told me all the things that she had on her plate once in a while, instead of keeping them to herself and then becoming angry at me for trying to tell her my feelings (thus making things too tough for her) we would have an easier time talking to each other.
but she doesn't want to tell me things, i don't think. we always swore that we would be best friends when we broke up...but that doesn't mean when she tells me things (like the other night befor the show) that i won't get upset. of COURSE i was going to freak out. and yeah, maybe i am happy that it happened the way that it happened, like she said i might be, but now i am scared for her too, and just as worried as she is. but she doesn't want to talk to me about it either...and i can't say that i blame her. but she thinks that she can handle it all on her own and, as much as she may or may not be able to, she shouldn't have to. and she doesn't have to.
i was here for her before and i am here for her now. us breaking up did not change a single thing about the way that i feel for her.
she thinks that what i need is a friend like her, but someone who isn't an ex-girlfriend. i don't know what to say about that, because she is my best friend, and even if she never wanted to go back out with me again then i would want to go to her first about anything that was going on with me. i wish that she still wanted to come to me about things. but i don't know if she can.
she told me recently about how the night when i first broke up with her she cried all night, and it was the longest night of her life. it felt like days. and ever since then she hasn't let herself get that close to me (or anyone). well i just hope that someday she realizes that i AM sorry for the way that our relationship got destroyed by my lies...and that i don't want our friendship to go the same way.
i am sorry about the things that i say about her friends, and in reality (he) isn't a bad kid. he HAS been nice to me despite the fact that i have been so rude. but it is so hard for me to be in the same room as them...seeing them laugh and talk and just whatever...wondering if she wants to do it again or me sitting there just feeling like the fucking third wheel that she doesn't want around anymore...
it seems like no matter what i do, she just can't see the love that i have for her is unconditional. im sorry that she doesn't like the way that i am, and the way that i speak. and i'm sorry that when i have problems she is the first person that i go to. but she is the only one that i trust, and i feel like she is the only person who ever really listened. but that is changing...and i hate it.
i hope that when we get to school things DO change, and her and i maybe can get back together. different people, different surroundings. just a whole different atmosphere that might be able to help us try and start over. become friends again. become lovers again. be together and be fucking happy again.
because all i want is for her to be happy...but right now her being happy is making me want to die.
[i]"I long to hold you tight,
cut the darkness from the night,
everything's alright,
here in my dreams..."[/i]
we had a good talk last night. and i know how she feels about what happened. and i understand that i am not the most important thing in her life anymorem because we aren't going out. but i want her...i need her back in my life.
she's still here, but it is like she isn't anymore. things just seem to be getting worse and worse all the time. it is literally making me sick. i have been sick for days. everything that is going on in my life is just making me feel more and more out of it. i feel so close to the breaking point that i don't know what it would take to bring me back anymore.
i want to just leave. i want this next week to go by so i can be done with work. i want the week after to go by so that we can go to school. i want her to realize that i am still here...
am i being stupid? am i being too persitant in my thinking?
i remeber a time when i would be hanging out with her, and when it was time for me to go she would beg me to stay just one minute longer, and when i left and got home we would get on the phone or online and talk forever.
i hate the way things have become. i hate that when last night i said i needed to leave she just said "ok" and gave me a hug and that was in. i hate that when i call her she acts like she doesn't want to hear from me and seems like she is in a rush to get me off the phone. i don't mean to be unloading all of my problems on her...and that isn't what i am trying to do. maybe if she told me all the things that she had on her plate once in a while, instead of keeping them to herself and then becoming angry at me for trying to tell her my feelings (thus making things too tough for her) we would have an easier time talking to each other.
but she doesn't want to tell me things, i don't think. we always swore that we would be best friends when we broke up...but that doesn't mean when she tells me things (like the other night befor the show) that i won't get upset. of COURSE i was going to freak out. and yeah, maybe i am happy that it happened the way that it happened, like she said i might be, but now i am scared for her too, and just as worried as she is. but she doesn't want to talk to me about it either...and i can't say that i blame her. but she thinks that she can handle it all on her own and, as much as she may or may not be able to, she shouldn't have to. and she doesn't have to.
i was here for her before and i am here for her now. us breaking up did not change a single thing about the way that i feel for her.
she thinks that what i need is a friend like her, but someone who isn't an ex-girlfriend. i don't know what to say about that, because she is my best friend, and even if she never wanted to go back out with me again then i would want to go to her first about anything that was going on with me. i wish that she still wanted to come to me about things. but i don't know if she can.
she told me recently about how the night when i first broke up with her she cried all night, and it was the longest night of her life. it felt like days. and ever since then she hasn't let herself get that close to me (or anyone). well i just hope that someday she realizes that i AM sorry for the way that our relationship got destroyed by my lies...and that i don't want our friendship to go the same way.
i am sorry about the things that i say about her friends, and in reality (he) isn't a bad kid. he HAS been nice to me despite the fact that i have been so rude. but it is so hard for me to be in the same room as them...seeing them laugh and talk and just whatever...wondering if she wants to do it again or me sitting there just feeling like the fucking third wheel that she doesn't want around anymore...
it seems like no matter what i do, she just can't see the love that i have for her is unconditional. im sorry that she doesn't like the way that i am, and the way that i speak. and i'm sorry that when i have problems she is the first person that i go to. but she is the only one that i trust, and i feel like she is the only person who ever really listened. but that is changing...and i hate it.
i hope that when we get to school things DO change, and her and i maybe can get back together. different people, different surroundings. just a whole different atmosphere that might be able to help us try and start over. become friends again. become lovers again. be together and be fucking happy again.
because all i want is for her to be happy...but right now her being happy is making me want to die.
[i]"I long to hold you tight,
cut the darkness from the night,
everything's alright,
here in my dreams..."[/i]
the show must go on
08.14.04 (4:29 pm) [edit]
So yesterday was my show, "the bad luck festival". The show went really well, although we only made about 120 bucks profit or something like that.
I think I would have had a lot more fun had I not found out what I found out right before the show. I am not going to repeat it here, only because I know that I will not forget it, and those of you who really know me know what I am talking about.
Let me just say that things have not be this bad for me in a long time. Just when I thought to myself that maybe Shannon and I were on the brink of getting back together soon (her words, too, don't forget) she dropped a bomb-shell like that, which makes me wonder what her feelings are.
Don't get me wrong, I know what her feelings for me are about, I just wonder what her feelings on us getting back together are about.
I know that we are going to the same school in the fall, and I know that in reality I have years of being her friend over everyone else, but I don't know if that is going to matter. I used to think that maybe when we got there we could get back together, or at least start hooking up or whatever for a while and see where it goes. But now I am not sure what is going to happen.
On a seperate note...the show went fine, and all the bands played good sets.
[i]"In dreams the hollow things you say to me don't mean a thing..."[/i]
I think I would have had a lot more fun had I not found out what I found out right before the show. I am not going to repeat it here, only because I know that I will not forget it, and those of you who really know me know what I am talking about.
Let me just say that things have not be this bad for me in a long time. Just when I thought to myself that maybe Shannon and I were on the brink of getting back together soon (her words, too, don't forget) she dropped a bomb-shell like that, which makes me wonder what her feelings are.
Don't get me wrong, I know what her feelings for me are about, I just wonder what her feelings on us getting back together are about.
I know that we are going to the same school in the fall, and I know that in reality I have years of being her friend over everyone else, but I don't know if that is going to matter. I used to think that maybe when we got there we could get back together, or at least start hooking up or whatever for a while and see where it goes. But now I am not sure what is going to happen.
On a seperate note...the show went fine, and all the bands played good sets.
[i]"In dreams the hollow things you say to me don't mean a thing..."[/i]
fuck the world, I'm hanging out with you tonite.
08.12.04 (9:58 pm) [edit]
i KNOW that i would make her happy
i mean, i make her (basically) happy now
we obviously still argue sometimes...
but mostly we have argued about us not being together recently
if we were together, there would be nothing
and i can tell her all i want, but she doesn't believe me...which is OK. I will show her that I am being truthful
and she will know that I can be a good boyfriend, husband, and maybe someday father to our kids. I don't want her to not trust that i can take care of her and be a good person for me.
i just want to be happy again, you know? and she was the only thing that has made me feel like the person that i want to be...and us not being together makes me feel like...like im not a person at all, but a shell of the person i was and want to be.
i love her so much...her being with some other guy or girl or fucking DOG would make me jealous. anytime i see her with someone or know she is out doing things with anyone i am jealous, mostly because those are times WE could be having fun together...i don't even know if she really ever wants to try and get back together. and that scares me
why does everyone have to twist everything negatively? why does me wanting to be with her so badly make everyone so annoyed? what did me and shannon ever do to make everyone think we were all wrong for each other? all she has ever done for me is to push me to be a better person, and been there for me when a LOT of people who used to be had dissapeared, and i needed someone. So now we are broken up and everyone is happy but me. Well that is just stupid. She is the best thing that has ever happend for me. And i am sick of people bad mouthing what we had, because they don't really know anything about it.
people only know the neagtive, what shannon and i talk about when we are pissed at each other and people only remember the fights that she and i had. Could i ever being to tell people about all the great times that she and i had together? no
i couldn't
i couldn't tell them about how i felt when she first kissed me, or when we used to walk around town together
they don't even care...no one is caring about anything but shit that they don't know about, and i fucking hate it...i hate it all.
I hate people...those mother fuckers.
i mean, i make her (basically) happy now
we obviously still argue sometimes...
but mostly we have argued about us not being together recently
if we were together, there would be nothing
and i can tell her all i want, but she doesn't believe me...which is OK. I will show her that I am being truthful
and she will know that I can be a good boyfriend, husband, and maybe someday father to our kids. I don't want her to not trust that i can take care of her and be a good person for me.
i just want to be happy again, you know? and she was the only thing that has made me feel like the person that i want to be...and us not being together makes me feel like...like im not a person at all, but a shell of the person i was and want to be.
i love her so much...her being with some other guy or girl or fucking DOG would make me jealous. anytime i see her with someone or know she is out doing things with anyone i am jealous, mostly because those are times WE could be having fun together...i don't even know if she really ever wants to try and get back together. and that scares me
why does everyone have to twist everything negatively? why does me wanting to be with her so badly make everyone so annoyed? what did me and shannon ever do to make everyone think we were all wrong for each other? all she has ever done for me is to push me to be a better person, and been there for me when a LOT of people who used to be had dissapeared, and i needed someone. So now we are broken up and everyone is happy but me. Well that is just stupid. She is the best thing that has ever happend for me. And i am sick of people bad mouthing what we had, because they don't really know anything about it.
people only know the neagtive, what shannon and i talk about when we are pissed at each other and people only remember the fights that she and i had. Could i ever being to tell people about all the great times that she and i had together? no
i couldn't
i couldn't tell them about how i felt when she first kissed me, or when we used to walk around town together
they don't even care...no one is caring about anything but shit that they don't know about, and i fucking hate it...i hate it all.
I hate people...those mother fuckers.
And the winner is...
08.05.04 (9:00 pm) [edit]
SO WE FOUND A PLACE!!
thank god!..The show is going to be at the Lamplighter's Common Hall, the building that sits in front of Lamplighter's trailer park. It isn't big, and yes it seems weird to house a show there...but what the hell were we going to do? they were the ONLY peope in town willing to let us put the wshow on at their business. So that is what we are going with. I think that it will work out just fine...(knock on wood!)
So I had a relatively good day today. I didn't do a whole lot. I worked a double, and both jobs were dead (heh, JOBS, as if they were different.) What I mean was that both THEATRES were dead today. But what did I expect playing Harold and Kumar?
So other than that I did a whole lot of nothing. Shannon came by with somne kittens that she got on the way back from Portland, and so now they are living in my car. And that means that Shannon is too. She doesn't seem to mind, although I wish that we could just keep them somewhere...So tomorrow we are going to Nana Ash's house to see if she will keep them for us while we are in school. I hope that she does. I like them. They are cute.
Anyways, off to bed now, i think. I better see everyone at my show next friday. There are 10 bands playing and it is only 6 bucks...I think that you can swing that shit.
"...the..."
Fucking town sucks
08.03.04 (7:35 pm) [edit]
you know? i'm trying so hard to get a fucking scene into town. I've got something like 10 fucking bands lined up to play on the 13th. Problem? i have no where for them to fucking play anymore. I was pretty much counting on the legion, and since that fell through, i was like, "eh, no problem...they can play the salyard's museum" Well i just found out tonite, that they can't fucking play there either. So now where the hell are they going to play? Not sure. The only other place that i can think to have them go on is at the Elk's Lodge....but no one there ever picks up the goddamn phone, so who knows what they charge, if they are booked already..yatta yataa yataa. So if by tomorrow afternoon i can't find a place to put this mother fucker oon, then i guess i am going to have to cancel the fucking show. Now, this wouldn't bother me so much of the fact that I have 10 BANDS coming up here to play.
And all this shit on my mother fucking birthday too. What a great fucking day. Wahoo. Great. So now I am going to have to get slammin' fucking drunk to blind away all my miseries. maybe it is going to be a glorious fucking night after all...
"There are two kinds of people: People like me and assholes."
only here because i wanna be
08.02.04 (7:18 pm) [edit]
so...
nothing exciting today. i worked, it sucked. we were dead. Tomorrow, though, is my mother fucking 21st b-day, so it should be a hell of a time!! yeah!!
i am getting so psyched for my show. I have got the bands completely lined up and ready to go...it should be a hell of a time.
alright, that is all i want to say...i am not really in the mood for vast writing tonite. I have been on the computer for what seems like hours getting all sorts of shit together, working on fliers, getting the bands definative answers...all sorts of neat stuff.
i hope a lot of people come to this...i need the money for school books!!
ok all you cancerkid-ites...that is all for now!!
[i]"filled with rage,
that's the only light..."[/i]
nothing exciting today. i worked, it sucked. we were dead. Tomorrow, though, is my mother fucking 21st b-day, so it should be a hell of a time!! yeah!!
i am getting so psyched for my show. I have got the bands completely lined up and ready to go...it should be a hell of a time.
alright, that is all i want to say...i am not really in the mood for vast writing tonite. I have been on the computer for what seems like hours getting all sorts of shit together, working on fliers, getting the bands definative answers...all sorts of neat stuff.
i hope a lot of people come to this...i need the money for school books!!
ok all you cancerkid-ites...that is all for now!!
[i]"filled with rage,
that's the only light..."[/i]
punk rock is better than you
08.01.04 (8:53 pm) [edit]
so...
the show is almost completely set. The date is the 13th, although the legion wont call me the hell back, so i may set it up at the Salyards Museum instead. whichever. anyway, the bands i have so far:
Scary Mary, Bad Taste, The Hour, Burn The Children.
i emailed the other 2 bands (ALBS and Permanent Holiday) and told them that i need a definate yes or no by tuesday.
Chris Bovio is helping me to get some bands, too. The Tunnel Rats and The Jabbers, specifically. If at least one of them can play that would be great. I am also waiting to hear from the Vicious Bastards...so that would be 8 or 9 total, if they ALL showed up. not too bad.
It is tiring, but exciting at the same time.
anyways...nothing to report on the day. Went to Nana Ash's with Shan, went to a movie and to lunch, then came home. I have been talking to CoryMarz for awhile, making sure that they can play my show and just yapping. Now I am about to go to bed, because i have to work the damn matinee tomorrow. But then tuesday is my b-day, so drink one on me, bitches. And if you are edge, whatever, drink some ovaltine on me then!!
[i]"I am that which you cannot control..."[/i]
the show is almost completely set. The date is the 13th, although the legion wont call me the hell back, so i may set it up at the Salyards Museum instead. whichever. anyway, the bands i have so far:
Scary Mary, Bad Taste, The Hour, Burn The Children.
i emailed the other 2 bands (ALBS and Permanent Holiday) and told them that i need a definate yes or no by tuesday.
Chris Bovio is helping me to get some bands, too. The Tunnel Rats and The Jabbers, specifically. If at least one of them can play that would be great. I am also waiting to hear from the Vicious Bastards...so that would be 8 or 9 total, if they ALL showed up. not too bad.
It is tiring, but exciting at the same time.
anyways...nothing to report on the day. Went to Nana Ash's with Shan, went to a movie and to lunch, then came home. I have been talking to CoryMarz for awhile, making sure that they can play my show and just yapping. Now I am about to go to bed, because i have to work the damn matinee tomorrow. But then tuesday is my b-day, so drink one on me, bitches. And if you are edge, whatever, drink some ovaltine on me then!!
[i]"I am that which you cannot control..."[/i]
work sucks
07.31.04 (10:02 am) [edit]
so i am sitting here right now, instead of being at work where i wanted to be at this time. yes, i wanted to be at work. But only because if i had worked this afternoon, i would be going to the horror-fest tonite, instead, i am going to queer work TONIGHT, and i have to miss the goddamn show. Fucking a. you know, I have had to go through so much crap to work out being able to go, and the thing that messes it up in the end is work. First i didn't have a car, then i needed a ride, then i had a ride, then i had a car just needed concise directions. got that, just needed to leave work and was only going to miss prob and hour of the show. Now i can't go at all and i am missing ALL of it. Great. Just great.
I am so fucking pissed off.
So I am setting up my own show, though, scheduled for the 13th. (hopefully). I have a few bands already saying they will play:
Scary Mary (as long as he isn' t pissed and will still play)
Bad Taste (ditto)
Burn The Children
The Hour?
Permanent Holiday
A Little Bit Special
I am still waiting to hear from The Hour for sure, and also a few other bands. I hope that Cory will still come here and play my show. They would be the only band being paid, so...hopefully they still will.
I have to call Joe from the Legion, too, to make sure that it is available on the 13th. I really want it to be then so that i can call it "bad luck festival".
Yeah...its going to be a shitty day.
[i]"Everything's all right,
here in my dreams"[/i]
I am so fucking pissed off.
So I am setting up my own show, though, scheduled for the 13th. (hopefully). I have a few bands already saying they will play:
Scary Mary (as long as he isn' t pissed and will still play)
Bad Taste (ditto)
Burn The Children
The Hour?
Permanent Holiday
A Little Bit Special
I am still waiting to hear from The Hour for sure, and also a few other bands. I hope that Cory will still come here and play my show. They would be the only band being paid, so...hopefully they still will.
I have to call Joe from the Legion, too, to make sure that it is available on the 13th. I really want it to be then so that i can call it "bad luck festival".
Yeah...its going to be a shitty day.
[i]"Everything's all right,
here in my dreams"[/i]
This Village is full of idiots
07.29.04 (10:19 pm) [edit]
I just got home from the movies. We watched M. Night Shamalamadingdong's new movie [i]The Village[/i]. I must say, although not as bad as [i]Unbreakable[/i], this movie was a piece of shit. I mean, the twist just sucked ass. And if you couldn't see it coming...my god. Basically, the twist ruined this film. And OBVIOUSLY there was going to be one, because every movie that Night has made has some random twist to it at the end. Excepting of course [i]Stuart Little[/i].
So don't waste your ten bucks. just wait til video.
Shannon and I are fucking fighting again. I don't understand why. She really has some problems that she needs to work out. Tonight, she got upset because I was taking Rab into the movie and not her. She thought she was going. So she makes me ask Jan if i can take her too. Jan says ok, so she comes down.
They we get there and all of a sudden she starts having a fucking attitude about everything, and wants to leave. Because she didn't want to "sit with my friends" because she doesn't "know them". So she lies to me, says she is going into the bathroom, but about 10 minutes later I find her outside, smoking a shitty clove, and telling me she is walking home.
I say "fuck that" we get into a huge fight and I eventually talk her into coming back into the movie. Of course, she CHOOSES to sit on her own in there, and the gets pissed at me because "she knew it would be that way." Well, yeah. She knew the whole time that Rab was coming and that I was probably going to sit with him. Why should I blow him off to sit with her. Would she blow off friends to sit with me? no...she would expect me to come sit with them. Fine.
At this point I just wish she didn't even come. She would be asleep, getting ready to leave tomorrow morning, and everything would be fine. Instead she is pissed at me for no reason other than she doesn't like my friends.
Basically...she is jealous, and would never admit it. I don't care what she says...she is.
So fuck it...whatever then. I am so sick of it. She never sees how she is acting and the big picture, just that I get pissed off. Well, a lot of the times, especially recently, I have every fucking right to be. I don't know what is going on between us, but it really needs to sort itself out...or I don't know what is going to happen.
Aight, bitches. I am out like a hooker on a Saturday night.
[i]"And its only right that i should die by her side;
And even death cannot seperate us..."[/i]
So don't waste your ten bucks. just wait til video.
Shannon and I are fucking fighting again. I don't understand why. She really has some problems that she needs to work out. Tonight, she got upset because I was taking Rab into the movie and not her. She thought she was going. So she makes me ask Jan if i can take her too. Jan says ok, so she comes down.
They we get there and all of a sudden she starts having a fucking attitude about everything, and wants to leave. Because she didn't want to "sit with my friends" because she doesn't "know them". So she lies to me, says she is going into the bathroom, but about 10 minutes later I find her outside, smoking a shitty clove, and telling me she is walking home.
I say "fuck that" we get into a huge fight and I eventually talk her into coming back into the movie. Of course, she CHOOSES to sit on her own in there, and the gets pissed at me because "she knew it would be that way." Well, yeah. She knew the whole time that Rab was coming and that I was probably going to sit with him. Why should I blow him off to sit with her. Would she blow off friends to sit with me? no...she would expect me to come sit with them. Fine.
At this point I just wish she didn't even come. She would be asleep, getting ready to leave tomorrow morning, and everything would be fine. Instead she is pissed at me for no reason other than she doesn't like my friends.
Basically...she is jealous, and would never admit it. I don't care what she says...she is.
So fuck it...whatever then. I am so sick of it. She never sees how she is acting and the big picture, just that I get pissed off. Well, a lot of the times, especially recently, I have every fucking right to be. I don't know what is going on between us, but it really needs to sort itself out...or I don't know what is going to happen.
Aight, bitches. I am out like a hooker on a Saturday night.
[i]"And its only right that i should die by her side;
And even death cannot seperate us..."[/i]
rain can suck my balls
07.27.04 (7:05 pm) [edit]
so today at work we were relatively slow. Considering it was shitty out all day and night, I would have thought we would have been busier. But seeing the shitty movies that we are playing I know why no one wanted to come here. I must have talked literally a dozen or more people out of seeing Catwoman tonight. They will thank me later...
So Shannon isn't here tonite. I am really kinda disapointed, because I could really use her here right now. Even though we aren't going out, she is the only friend that I have to talk to, and I felt really emotionally (and physically) exhausted all day. I could really use a friend here with me right now...and she is my best.
So I am thinking I would like to put on a show here in town. What do you think? It would probably be a straight up punk show, maybe some other shit thrown in, but mostly punk and horro punk. I know 2 bands who would come and play here (Scary Mary being one) and would like to have at least a half dozen or more. I need to think about it. All i need is 200 bucks and that is it. Any money i make at the door is mine, and the profits made at the last 2 shows was about 80 bucks. Well, 80 bucks for not really doing anything is pretty good, i would say. I don't know if i would have the time, but I am thinking about it.
I talked to Scary Cory last nite, and he told me as long as i could get them a place to crash he and the band would come and play here. That is pretty bitchin, i think. i know at least Eric would show up...he loves Scary Mary.
Anyway, its something to think about.
So there isn't much else new for the day. I am exhausted from a long day at shitty work, and I have to do it all over again tomorrow and Thursday too. Of course, tomorrow (and probably fucking thursday) it is supposed to rain all day, so great, we are going to be fucking busy. I hate that shit. I hate stupid people, and in my line of work, i get to meet every single mother fucking one of them. And they ALL come out on rainy days.
I can picture all these fucking retards sitting at home, too:
MA: He ya'll! what u all wanna do ter-day!
PA: I was thought we could go to the moovie thee-a-ter
KID 1: Golly! A great idea-er, Pa!
KID 2: What moovie should we all be seeing?
PA: How's about that there CatWimmen
MA: Shucks, Pa, that's a great idea-er
KID 1: When does that there talking picture start Ma?
MA: It starts at 6:45 in the P.M., sonny.
PA: Great! It's only 6:30 now, and we live 10 mintues away! We can leave in about 13 minutes and just miss the dang-nabbit commercials!
ALL: YEAH!!
Sorry to all you people in the south who talk that way normally...
But let's think about this...If a movie is starting in 15 minutes and you live 9 minutes away, you fucking should have been there already. Because nothing is worse than some fucking pisshead who comes up on a rainy day, (possibly) gets tickets (its probably already sold out by now) gets his popcorn, candy and troth of soda, and by now has missed the trailers and is into the movie.
So they come strolling in:
"HEY! I can't see a thing? Where are the seats? Why am I so fucking incosiderate of you all?"
And then they have to find a seat, spilling out half their fucking bag of popcorn and almost dropping their skittles® on the fucking carpet. By now, they (and all the other timely people) have missed 10 mintues of movie and have no idea what is going on.
Fuck those assholes. They should rot in hell with Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac.
[i]"In dreams the hollow things that you say to me don't mean a thing..." [/i]
So Shannon isn't here tonite. I am really kinda disapointed, because I could really use her here right now. Even though we aren't going out, she is the only friend that I have to talk to, and I felt really emotionally (and physically) exhausted all day. I could really use a friend here with me right now...and she is my best.
So I am thinking I would like to put on a show here in town. What do you think? It would probably be a straight up punk show, maybe some other shit thrown in, but mostly punk and horro punk. I know 2 bands who would come and play here (Scary Mary being one) and would like to have at least a half dozen or more. I need to think about it. All i need is 200 bucks and that is it. Any money i make at the door is mine, and the profits made at the last 2 shows was about 80 bucks. Well, 80 bucks for not really doing anything is pretty good, i would say. I don't know if i would have the time, but I am thinking about it.
I talked to Scary Cory last nite, and he told me as long as i could get them a place to crash he and the band would come and play here. That is pretty bitchin, i think. i know at least Eric would show up...he loves Scary Mary.
Anyway, its something to think about.
So there isn't much else new for the day. I am exhausted from a long day at shitty work, and I have to do it all over again tomorrow and Thursday too. Of course, tomorrow (and probably fucking thursday) it is supposed to rain all day, so great, we are going to be fucking busy. I hate that shit. I hate stupid people, and in my line of work, i get to meet every single mother fucking one of them. And they ALL come out on rainy days.
I can picture all these fucking retards sitting at home, too:
MA: He ya'll! what u all wanna do ter-day!
PA: I was thought we could go to the moovie thee-a-ter
KID 1: Golly! A great idea-er, Pa!
KID 2: What moovie should we all be seeing?
PA: How's about that there CatWimmen
MA: Shucks, Pa, that's a great idea-er
KID 1: When does that there talking picture start Ma?
MA: It starts at 6:45 in the P.M., sonny.
PA: Great! It's only 6:30 now, and we live 10 mintues away! We can leave in about 13 minutes and just miss the dang-nabbit commercials!
ALL: YEAH!!
Sorry to all you people in the south who talk that way normally...
But let's think about this...If a movie is starting in 15 minutes and you live 9 minutes away, you fucking should have been there already. Because nothing is worse than some fucking pisshead who comes up on a rainy day, (possibly) gets tickets (its probably already sold out by now) gets his popcorn, candy and troth of soda, and by now has missed the trailers and is into the movie.
So they come strolling in:
"HEY! I can't see a thing? Where are the seats? Why am I so fucking incosiderate of you all?"
And then they have to find a seat, spilling out half their fucking bag of popcorn and almost dropping their skittles® on the fucking carpet. By now, they (and all the other timely people) have missed 10 mintues of movie and have no idea what is going on.
Fuck those assholes. They should rot in hell with Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac.
[i]"In dreams the hollow things that you say to me don't mean a thing..." [/i]